A couple of weeks ago I wrote about realizing that God isn’t mad at me, and He doesn’t hold it against me, that I got myself into a situation where I’m being held back from doing things I could be doing. That was a big relief – especially that part about Him not only UNDERSTANDING it but actually DISLIKING it as much as I do.
Then yesterday I posted about realizing that I have a major self-confidence issue because of a life-time of conditioning by people who needed me to be wrong when I was actually right all along.
This morning while the pastor was praying at church at the beginning of the service, a thought suddenly entered my mind. Okay, it’s more like, it hit me like a wave, invading my brain and blocking out everything the pastor was saying at that moment.
It was this: God doesn’t just DISLIKE the fact that I have been sabotaged. He’s downright ANGRY about it. And not at me. FOR me. On my behalf.
It kind made me pause.
What are the ramifications of that? That He is going to punish the people who have sinned against me like some enraged Kraken?
Well. See. Then there’s this thing called grace. My Heavenly Father is merciful. So yes, He’s angry. He’s angry at the sin and what it has done to me. But He still loves the people involved. And He is not willing for anyone to perish (2Peter 3:9).
So understanding that, I can see that He has ALREADY paid for that sin. He has already covered the cost of the pain I go through by being on the receiving end of their hurtful coping mechanisms. He already forgave them, so who am I to not follow suit?
But there’s just something about that image of an angry father standing next to his daughter, who has been wronged, that is immensely comforting.
I don’t have to figure this out – He’s on it. In fact, He’s way ahead of it.
And really, nothing about the situation has changed. It’s my understanding that has changed. I now get that I really can have confidence in my own judgment. My opinion doesn’t just count – it’s often accurate. Even when my loved ones are ignoring it or shouting over it.
And also that I have nothing to prove to any of them. They can go ahead and nay-say and shout-down all they want. Because now that I see what’s going on, it’s on me if I believe them again.
Besides, I have a very tall, strong and protective Heavenly Father standing next to me with his hand on my shoulder.
So if they don’t like it, they can take it up with Him.