It’s been a while since I’ve been able to post.
Partly because of Christmas, partly because of a bad cold, and partly because of not wanting to get on here and whine.
It would be easy to whine. I have actually written a couple of whiny rants and chosen not to publish them. Marriage is hard. Holidays and extended family are hard. Re-entry into school and work after the holidays is hard. And just as I started to pick up steam and get my head back into the game, I have had to make travel plans for four different events in the next two months.
Not that I don’t want to go — I love to travel. I live for travel. I want to go probably too much, which makes it hard to know if I’m really doing the right thing in taking these trips. Some are unavoidable; others aren’t, so should I avoid the avoidable or will I regret missing the opportunity down the road?
I’m doing a lot of reinventing myself these days, and part of that is discovering what is and isn’t reasonable outside of the rules my husband lives by. I haven’t had to make these kinds of decisions before because I simply deferred to him and didn’t go anywhere. But the kids are older, and he has stepped back a lot from his previous fears, so the door is open for me to go, occasionally, as long as it’s not too expensive.
But these two months are pushing the limits of reasonable and occasional, not to mention expensive, and I’m rapidly discovering just how many people need me to be around back home. I mean, it’s flattering. It’s nice to be needed. It just makes it hard to be in the moment when I’m away.
There’s a balance in here somewhere – I just need to find it.
I think a lot of it lies in what I just said I’m struggling with — being in the moment. Come to think of it, that’s not just the way to approach traveling. It’s the way to stay sane in everyday life. My life can be pretty chaotic, but if I focus on the one thing in front of me, the one person I’m talking to, the one task that needs doing now, and allow myself to ignore the rest until this moment is finished, I suspect I will accomplish more and be more effective.
Not exactly earth-shattering or new thoughts, but when you’re in the middle of a major juggling act, it can be the difference between getting through it or dropping half the balls.
So here’s to the moment. Here’s to turning the phone to airplane mode. Here’s to delegating tasks to young adult offspring. Here’s to allowing ourselves to breathe, to show love, to pay attention, to laugh, to refuse to worry about tomorrow but to simply take care of today.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.