Not The Person I Thought I Knew

I heard a poem read today and it got me thinking.  Here are three of the lines (the italicized parts – the rest are my thoughts)

I am not the person I thought I knew…

My life didn’t turn out the way I planned.

How did I get here?

Who made the decisions that brought me to here, to this life that I never chose, this place where I don’t want to be?

Well.  I did.

But I didn’t.  I mean, I didn’t mean to.

I didn’t aim here

I didn’t know.

How could I know?  I barely know myself.

How could I know the people with whom I chose to align myself?

How could I know that they weren’t who they said they were?

Am I who I said I was?

Am I who I say I am?

I am not the person I thought I knew.

But this brings hope.

This means there’s more to me than this.

And maybe that twisting that happened, that hardening, that turning-inward.  Maybe that is not who I am.

Well.  I think I knew that.

But maybe that is not who I have to be.  Maybe once I break that shell, the real me, the one who God created, the one His Spirit inhabits, maybe that person will surprise me.

*  *  *  *  *

I am an unknown land waiting to be discovered.

I find such joy in exploration.  The whole concept of undiscovered country delights me.  What is just over that ridge?  What lies around that bend?  Through that tunnel?  Under that tree I can barely see in the distance?

So to think of myself as undiscovered –

that brings joy, hope.

Adventure.

Because I am tired of the part I know.  I am tired of tired me.  I am tired of wounded me.

Well.  I am just tired.

Undiscovered country, though.  I’ll suit up for that.

*  *  *  *  *

I am a mystery too deep for me.

Why did I think I could truly know myself anyway?

Am I not God’s creation?

Am I not made in His image?

Who can know the mind of the Lord?  His ways are past finding out.

So rather than being the host who lets in the Holy Spirit to only those places I choose to surrender, I find myself being the one who needs the Holy Spirit to show me around.

Because there are many twists and turns within me.  False backs to wardrobes. Hidden doors.  Secret passages.

And sometimes, more often than I would like to admit, I get lost in here.

*  *  *  *  *

I am not the person I thought I knew.

I am an unknown land waiting to be discovered.

I am a mystery too deep for me.

Unknown (I’ll update this as soon as I find out who wrote the poem)

5 thoughts on “Not The Person I Thought I Knew

Add yours

  1. And thank the Lord for that…or we would all be bored to tears and never take that journey we are all now on…the one that finds our love, the unconditional type that He put into our hearts…and we covered over through our fear. But it is in ‘uncovering and discovering’ who we really are that discovers the discovery of the universe…the real us…that unconditional love that we have been forever seeking ‘out there’ and was really inside waiting all this time for us to look within ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So good!! Thank you for being so truthful. I could relate to so much of this. I shared with a friend and she said it could have been written by me, that’s how deeply I connect with these sentiments! Look forward to reading more from you and the growth it helps me with as I reflect on what you’ve written!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So glad it resonated with you! I don’t always wax poetic, but I do try to keep growing and writing about it. This is what I love about the blogosphere – when we find someone who is writing what we’re thinking 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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