Perhaps I Can Simply Love

I've spent this week separating feelings from truth. Because, as my counselor pointed out, while feelings can sometimes point us toward the truth of a situation, sometimes they are just feelings.  Sometimes they lag behind the truth that we have discovered in a situation, so while our minds understand it, our feelings are still operating...

Opening a Window

I yelled at my small group leader yesterday.  I hung up on her today. And after I called her back to apologize she said, 'Finally.  These are the kind of conversations we need to be having." And she also told me that she is not going anywhere, no matter what I do or say. And...

It’s Time To Put Away The Cape, Muffy

I'm completely shut down.  I'm not feeling anything right now. That's what I told my counselor yesterday.  She smiled. And then she pointed out I had spent the past 30 minutes complaining about how the only answers I've received to my Letter to the Pastors, while unfailingly loving, are either somewhat defensive or somewhat vague.  I...

True Peace Takes Time

This whole new thing I'm doing, speaking up for myself... this whole telling the truth thing. The refusing to continue to keep the peace thing... So as it turns out, when you do that, you don't actually have peace. At least, not right away. I've always prided myself on being a quick study. And then,...

The Second Scariest Thing

After going on three weeks of my husband being out of the house, and trying to toe the line with pastors and church leaders during this situation, I finally had to write this letter to all of them.  It has become clear to me that there are two contradictory voices speaking into my situation -...

New Life

We had our final meeting a few days ago. I did it.  I spoke up.  I said what I really wanted, which was an indefinite separation. I explained that this was based on what I knew to be true, not on what might happen down the road.  I acknowledged that we serve a big God...

Of Sunbeams and Chirping Birds

Just when you think you know what's going to happen next... Yesterday my husband repented.  Deep, real, remorseful, sob-wracked repentance.  He told me what he's done wrong all these years, how he did it, why he did it and how badly he feels for having done it. And it wasn't just one conversation.  It was...

This is My Story

In church this morning we were singing the hymn, "Blessed Assurance."  I've sung it countless times before, but this morning, standing there trying to focus on the Lord and not my current struggle, the chorus hit me in a way it hadn't before. "This is my story, this is my song Praising my Savior all...

Grace Under Fire

Is it joy in the midst of suffering or suffering in the midst of joy? Or does it really matter which way you look at it?  At any case, this week has been a roller coaster of extreme highs - not just the good news about my classmate's new-found relationship with God, but a similar...

Next Time in Heaven

You guys!!!  Seriously. My class just ended.   Just wanted to share this followup for those of you who have been praying for my classmate JL.  I'm sitting here in tears again after her last post in the class forum: When I started this class one of the first questions I answered was what my purpose...