The Flood

Yesterday the last straw hit. A friend texted and wondered where I'd been at the worship team dinner the night before, because my husband had been there. Backstory: We were both told we had to step down from serving on that team when we separated last year. But for some reason he showed up at... Continue Reading →

Perhaps I Can Simply Love

I've spent this week separating feelings from truth. Because, as my counselor pointed out, while feelings can sometimes point us toward the truth of a situation, sometimes they are just feelings.  Sometimes they lag behind the truth that we have discovered in a situation, so while our minds understand it, our feelings are still operating... Continue Reading →

Opening a Window

I yelled at my small group leader yesterday.  I hung up on her today. And after I called her back to apologize she said, 'Finally.  These are the kind of conversations we need to be having." And she also told me that she is not going anywhere, no matter what I do or say. And... Continue Reading →

It’s Time To Put Away The Cape, Muffy

I'm completely shut down.  I'm not feeling anything right now. That's what I told my counselor yesterday.  She smiled. And then she pointed out I had spent the past 30 minutes complaining about how the only answers I've received to my Letter to the Pastors, while unfailingly loving, are either somewhat defensive or somewhat vague.  I... Continue Reading →

True Peace Takes Time

This whole new thing I'm doing, speaking up for myself... this whole telling the truth thing. The refusing to continue to keep the peace thing... So as it turns out, when you do that, you don't actually have peace. At least, not right away. I've always prided myself on being a quick study. And then,... Continue Reading →

The Second Scariest Thing

After going on three weeks of my husband being out of the house, and trying to toe the line with pastors and church leaders during this situation, I finally had to write this letter to all of them.  It has become clear to me that there are two contradictory voices speaking into my situation -... Continue Reading →

New Life

We had our final meeting a few days ago. I did it.  I spoke up.  I said what I really wanted, which was an indefinite separation. I explained that this was based on what I knew to be true, not on what might happen down the road.  I acknowledged that we serve a big God... Continue Reading →

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