Becoming

Today I had time to spend between work and a dinner with a friend, so I went shopping, took my wedding ring to a jeweler, visited the beach and had a glass of wine at my favorite wine bar… by myself. And I sat there feeling perfectly comfortable at the wine bar and asking myself,...

One Last “It’s All About Meeeee”

I recognize that this blog is quite self-serving. But I need to tell someone this stuff as I go through it, and my faithful 15 readers give me just the encouragement I need. Maybe all this will end up in a book someday. At least, that's what I tell myself to justify being so self-serving....

Love Never Fails

I have spent most of my adult life trying to learn how to love. I just didn't seem to get it. I just didn't know how to do it. So my biggest prayer, my go-to request throughout my adult life, was, "Lord, show me how to love." But I never seemed to improve, and I...

The Gorilla I Accidentally Married

The first time I met The Gorilla was about six months into my marriage. I didn't know that was to whom I was talking at the time. My ex and I (let's call him Glenn) lived in an apartment behind a hospital in the early 90s, a charming little complex with a pool and trees...

Two Hands

I was praying today, frustrated because I see successful brilliant people in the news and wonder why I can’t be around more people like that - why instead am I a magnet to the needy and dependent and narcissistic? I could have been one of those brilliant people. I’ve wasted my life instead on people...

Walking Out of the Weeds

I was packing books at my Mom's place last week, readying for The Move, when I was brought up short by the back of a book.  I didn't open it - I just glanced at the back, and apparently that was all the Holy Spirit needed to work with. The funny thing is I have...

Avoid Such People

The verse that has been coming into my mind for the past couple of months, regarding my narcissist husband and the crisis it has brought our family to, is the one that says, "In the last days, men will be lovers of themselves..." I've been taking a little comfort in the fact that this terrible...

The Last Straw

It has been called to my attention, by someone with the degrees to speak to these things, that my husband is a narcissist. My first reaction was denial.  Surely this kind, gentle, loyal man who wouldn't hurt a fly, surely this absentminded professor, surely HE isn't a narcissist.  Everyone loves him.  He's so congenial.  He's...

Just For The Record

I hate VagueBooking and cryptic posts. Having said that, I'm in the middle of correcting 9 essays on Macbeth and a stack of homework on John Milton, so I don't have time to give the complete story.  But something has been changing, slowly at first, but picking up speed, and today I came to a...

A Rant About Anger. Not An Angry Rant.

For the past couple of weeks I've been enjoying the freedom that comes with not believing accusations.  It has freed me up from the constant worry about whether I really did this or that thing and whether I really am just crazy after all. At any rate, without that worry on my plate, I've been...